Ghost of the Past

 “The body remembers what the mind forgets.” — Unknown

    This week has been a bit hard. I met him a year ago today, and it sparked a lot of memories, emotions, and pain. I realized it via snapchat memories, great old snapchat really knows how to put a girl in a good mood... After I saw the first memory, I deleted the remaining memories from that week. it's gone, I'm glad, but it still lives on. Mostly in my body. I've been pretty good about shoving those memories away when they pop up, for better or for worse, but it's hard. It's hard because it's like a deep pain in my chest still. I can't even describe the energy within those memories expect for dark and helpless. Those memories are what it was like when I was a kid sleeping in complete darkness alone. So helpless, it's almost terrifying.

    But yesterday I severed the last tie I had with him. I blocked his mom. She didn't do anything, really, she is the sweetest woman and to be quite honest, I feel a bit bad for her. But I was asking myself, why do I have her on my phone? the excuse I was originally giving others, and myself, is that it was for my safety, that it was so if he decides to do something to me, I will have his moms number to use. But I realized that, I can just store that information elsewhere. I don't need to be her Facebook friend. She has done a lot for me, but also, she did a lot for me because of her son, and now that her son is no longer in my picture, she doesn't need to be in the picture either for me, or her own self. So, I deleted her. That was the last tie to him. When I severed it, it definitely sparked some anxiety, but now the next day I feel a lot better about it.

I think I'm healing, I don't feel as hopeless. It's hard. It really is, but it's getting better. Because it always gets better, how cool is that about life? No matter how hard you struggle it always somehow turn out to be aye-okay

As for other news, I got into grad school! It feels as if things are falling into place, I'm super excited and really looking forward for the next step into my life. It definitely feels like a lot of doors are closing, but a lot are also opening.